


time keeps passing by (and i hold you close to me)

by AfterNineAtTheOasis



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Childhood Friends, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Getting Together, Light Angst, M/M, Self-Worth Issues, The angst is light, also only logan and janus are really there much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:27:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28321605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AfterNineAtTheOasis/pseuds/AfterNineAtTheOasis
Summary: Every Side was trying to figure out what their name was. Logic was sure his was something with an L, but being unable to discover his name wasn’t the issue. It was the fact that his best friend, D, didn’t want a name. It was worrying, how much D seemed to detest himself. Lane (no) tried to convince him otherwise, but feelings were not his forte. Every time the other Sides were dismissive (the were rarely outright rude) of D, he did try to defend his friend, but that was all he knew how to do.To add to his troubles, Logic had realized he had a crush on his best friend.
Relationships: Deceit | Janus Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Comments: 4
Kudos: 22
Collections: Sanders Sides 2020 Gift Exchange





	time keeps passing by (and i hold you close to me)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I wrote this for @confusedhost on tumblr, as part of the Sanders Sides 2020 Gift Exchange! Trigger warning for self-worth issues, and discussion of it. I hope you enjoy!

“Logic!"

Logic sighed, looking up from a piece of Thomas's homework to see nine-year-old Anxiety running into the room. He carefully set the paper down and turned so he could make eye contact with the other boy.

“What's wrong?” he asked calmly. Anxiety frowned at him, but he did answer (in a rather round-about way and at a breakneck pace, yes, but he did answer).

“Deceit was arguing with Morality because Thomas said he'd done his homework but, you know, he _didn't_ , because you're doing it, and I said that Morality was right, 'cause he was– ” Anxiety paused for a breath– “But Deceit didn't think so and he said that it was his job and I said 'Well it's a stupid job' and now Morality doesn't know who's right even though I am and Deceit's upset.” Anxiety took another deep breath, and Logic waited a moment to make sure he was finished.

“Okay, I will deal with it,” Logic said evenly as he stood up. He was one of the oldest sides at 13, with Morality being just a little younger than him (Deceit, the one in question, was 11), so he was often the designated peace-keeper. Anxiety looked sullen and a little worried, but he nodded and watched Logan as he walked away.

After succeeding in getting Morality to leave the room, though the other side also looked worried – honestly, more distraught than worried –, Logic carefully made his way over to Deceit, who was curled up on the floor, rocking slightly.

“Deceit?” Logic asked tentatively. Deceit said something muffled, his arms folded across his knees in front of his face, but Logic took it as a sign that he could continue. He crouched down, studying the younger side for a few moments.

“What happened?” he asked softly. Of course, Anxiety had told him what happened, but he wanted to hear Deceit's side of the story- taking from one source of information was no way to make a proper conclusion. Deceit took a shuddering breath, and when he looked up at Logic his eyes were brimming with tears. Logic's heart would've broken at the sight if he had one (which he didn't – that was clearly Morality's job).

“Deceit?” Logic nudged. The boy across from him flinched at the name. Logic hesitated for a moment.

“Are you okay?” he asked quietly. “You seem– ”

Before he could finish his sentence, the younger boy launched himself at Logic, wrapping his arms around the older Side's waist. Caught off guard, Logic froze. What was he supposed to do? Comfort. That's what Morality always did.

Slowly, Logic wrapped his arms around Deceit, who relaxed a little and shoved his head further into Logic's chest. They sat there for a few minutes before Logic followed his lead and began to relax, but once he did, it was rather nice. Morality thought it was adorable (which it wasn't, might Logic add) when he found them curled up together, asleep, a few hours later, but Anxiety and the both Creativity's gave them weird looks. Then again, since when did he care what the others thought?

–

Thomas had been asked out on a date. By a girl. And he said yes. To a girl.

All the Sides were doing something in response to this. Morality felt bad about faking interest in said girl, Anxiety was generally being anxious, and the Creativity's were frantically trying to figure out a way to escape the date with a shred of dignity left.

Logic and Deceit were commiserating on the couch, Deceit because it was an awful lie (and because they were all gay), Logic because it was an awful decision altogether (and because, as previously stated, they were all gay).

“He could have said he had to study for his SAT!” Deceit was saying. “But no, he haaaaaad to pretend he was into her.” Logic hid a smile as Deceit crossed his arms, looking like an irate child.

“While there is usually a better option than lying, in this situation a good lie would have benefited us,” he agreed. Then he added, “Additionally, Thomas really does need to study for the SAT.” Deceit laughed at that, and Logic had to hide another smile. It was surprising how easily he and Deceit could spend time in each other's company. And, evidence by the fact that he rarely smiled so much in the company of the other Sides, enjoy that time together. Well, Logic hoped that Deceit felt the same, anyway. Because here they were, talking and smiling in a small bubble of peace while everyone panicked around them. The world could be on fire, and Logic couldn't care less; as long as he was still sitting here, smiling and talking, with Deceit.

–

Lojandro had a problem.

(No, that wasn't right. Was that even a name?)

Every Side was trying to figure out what their name was. Logic was sure his was something with an L, but being unable to discover his name wasn't the issue. It was the fact that his best friend, D, didn't want a name. It was worrying, how much D seemed to detest himself. Lane (no) tried to convince him otherwise, but feelings were not his forte. Every time the other Sides were dismissive (the were rarely outright rude) of D, he did try to defend his friend, but that was all he knew how to do.

To add to his troubles, Logic had realized he had a _crush_ on his best friend.

(Laken? Probably not)

But the worst thing about it is that after a short time of surprise, it wasn't all that surprising. He had been friends with D since he was 13, perhaps even younger- for 7 years now. And he hadn't even noticed. Everything made so much more sense with this in mind. But now, he had absolutely no idea if D liked him back. He was inclined to answer negatively, but he knew that sensibly there was a 50/50 chance. The best option would be to simply ask the other man. However, given the way D was feeling currently, that was a horrible idea, possibly the worst Lund (not a name again, is it?) had ever come up with.

His thoughts were interrupted as D entered the room. Flopping down on the logical Side's bed, D let out a melodramatic sigh. He almost sounded like Crea- Roman, and Logan snorted quietly at the thought. D, acting like Roman. There was no way he could've escaped laughing. D lifted his head to look at the older man, who was sitting at his desk.

“What?” he asked, a hint of a smile in his voice. Link (no, that wasn't it either) smiled to himself, but it was certainly not a thought that should be 'outside his head', as Morality put it.

“It's nothing.”

Turning to look at the Side currently appropriating his blankets, Logic saw a face of disbelief and rolled his eyes.

“Truly. It's not important, D.”

D smiled a little at the nickname. He had told Logic a few weeks ago that he disliked being called by his function, and, horrified that he had been making him uncomfortable (though he had only an inkling as to why), Lindsay Lohan (why? No) had immediately agreed to call him D. It was just a bonus that it made the younger Side smile. After a few moments, Logic realized that D was giving him a quizzical look.

“What?” he asked, not the least bit anxious. Obviously. That clearly was Anxiety's job. It was even in his name. D laughed.

“You were staring, that's all,” D answered. “Were you zoning out?” Logic frowned. He had been staring? That wasn't good.

“Ah- yes. Simply trying to think through a problem” Technically true.

Deceit humphed.

“Do it later. I'm tired and cold, come give me your warmth.”

Logic rolled his eyes again, saying something along the lines of “I'm not that warm”, but he didn't truly mind. He could forget about his troubles for a little while. When he stood up D slow-clapped.

“Impressive. I've never seen someone get up so willingly,” the other Side drawled. Resisting the urge to once again roll his eyes, Logic shoved D over with one hand while he pulled off his shoes with the other. D squawked.

“Hush, move over farther.”

Grumbling a little, but clearly trying not to smile, D shuffled over a little farther, immediately wrapping his arms around Logic as soon as the older Side climbed onto the bed. Logic pulled up one of the now-rumpled blankets to cover them both, and once they were settled, D lay his head on Logic's chest.

After a few hours of occasional talking and cuddling, D was asleep, head still resting on Logic's chest. But- Well, Logic had seen D quite irritable, upset, and sluggish recently. His being happy, and getting some clearly much-needed sleep, was something he could forsake a little work for. It was a basic calculation.

And after all, he _was_ Logic.

(Lapdog? Well, in a way, but that still wasn't a name.)

–

“D,” Logan said quietly. The man half asleep next to him grumbled. “D,” Logan said again, a little louder. D sighed a little and mumbled something. Logan smiled softly, then it grew a little as he remembered his name. It took him a few months, but he'd found it. He knew D had as well, but he wouldn't tell him what it was the first few times, so Logan stopped asking. But there was one more thing that he couldn't put off asking anymore.

“Are you listening to me?” he asked. D rolled over to face him as his eyes also rolled.

“No, obviously not,” the other side said dryly. Logan smiled again, but it quickly fell. D's eyebrows pinched together slightly, but he didn't comment on it. His gaze did flick to Logan's hands, however, and it was obvious that he saw the quickly aborted fiddling. Before his best friend (ha) could catalog his body language anymore, Logan took a deep breath and began.

“I don't quite know how to say this, but I no longer want to keep it a secret. It is fine if–” _you're only prolonging the inevitable. Just move on to the main paragraph._ Logan finished his sentence in a rush. “If you're uncomfortable, please just tell me. Now. . . I will simply come out and say it. I realized some time ago that I had romantic feelings for you.” Logan sped up slightly when he saw D tense, and couldn't seem to keep a steady space, getting faster and faster throughout.

“But we've been friends for nine years, so I didn't feel as if it were something I should mention to you, in case you didn't feel the same way and it ruined our friendship–” _why aren't you following the script–_ “And it took an exceedingly long while to figure out in the first place, so I continued to hold out hope it was untrue, but here we are, so,” Logan took another deep breath and threw the already in shreds script out the metaphorical window.

“I see you smile, and I feel as if I will burst. I hear you laugh, and it lights up the room, but no one else seems to see it. And you come in and _throw yourself_ onto my bed, but I can't find it in me to be angry at you, because you're _D_ , you're my best friend, you're more than that to me, and I've kept it to myself for so long I didn't think I could survive any longer. Which is absurd, but–”

He was cut off when D lurched forward a little, surprising him, but not near as surprising as when he stared directly into Logan's eyes. As if he were asking something. The logical Side stared at him for a moment before it dawned on him.

Oh.

_Oh._

No, that couldn't be possible. Besides, he had no idea if D was truly asking him for permission to- well, to kiss him. But somehow, he found himself nodding, and D closed the rest of the distance between them.

It was a short kiss, but it tingled on Logan's lips a little. He just lay there, stunned. And, as apparently his entire body was out of control today, he spoke.

“I love you,” Logan said.

_**What.** _

D stared at him for a moment, his mouth open. He opened and closed it a few times, as if he were trying to say something. Logan panicked. Just a little.

“I didn't mean– Well, I very much did, but that's besides the point, it was an accident–”

“I love you too,” D said, voice slightly raspy, but at least he'd finally said something. Wait. He had said it back to him.

“Oh,” Logan said lamely.

D flopped back onto his back, then almost immediately, as if he had changed his mind, flipped onto his stomach and pressed his face into a pillow. He said something quietly, which Logan didn't understand, and, still quiet and a mix of numbness and bliss, asked him to repeat.

“You're a dork.”

“Oh.”

Logan could hear D's slightly hysterical laugh at that, but his – boyfriend? What were they now? – D's body did relax a little, so at least his joke helped.

Logan laughed in reply and hesitantly pressed closer to D, who lifted one of his arms and put it around the older Side. Gradually, they both began to relax.

They were definitely going to have to talk about this.

–

“Roman, please-”

“I can fight my _own_ battles, Logan, but please, keep talking!”

“See? A villain!”

“D is not–”

“Yeah, he sort of is.”

“As if you're any better!”

“Guys, please–”

Logan groaned as the arguing got louder and louder. They had simply been trying to help Thomas decide if he should go to see several rather unpleasant members of extended family. But when D had suggested lying to avoid having to go, Roman had broken. It seemed he had been stewing for quite some time, since D convinced Thomas to stay home from an audition because of how over-worked he was. And here Logan was, 27 years old, trying to deescalate the argument just like when they were children.

Logan looked to his side to appeal to D since Roman clearly wasn't backing down, but D was no longer there. He stared at the spot where his boyfriend had been mere moments ago. How had no one else noticed that one of the main subjects of the argument had left? Quickly, Logan looked around. Luckily, no one else had sunken out, or was in the process of sinking out; Patton was still looking distressed and trying to talk Roman down by the blinds, Roman was now yelling at Anxiety from his place in front of the television, and Anxiety was gesturing to Logan himself. Remus had not shown his face yet.

“- and Logan!” Anxiety finished triumphantly. Logan had no idea what he had been saying, but he nodded vaguely as Roman gasped – he didn't like it when one of the “Dark Sides” used their names. Thinking about it, it was a surprise he hadn't reacted much when D had called Logan by his name a minute ago, but he must not have noticed. Shaking his head as if to clear his thoughts, Logan mumbled some generic excuse that he probably wouldn't even remember later and sunk out.

When he rose up in D's room, at first he didn't see anything. But after searching the room for a few moments with his eyes, they landed on D, curled up in the corner with his back to Logan.

“D?” Logan asked hesitantly. There was a flash in his mind – ah, a near-forgotten memory. It was of D, curled up on the floor in a similar manner as to what he was doing now. He looked about 10 years old, so that must have been when they first started to become friends. _Perhaps it is a comfort position_ , Logan mused as he walked over to his boyfriend.

As soon as he sat down next to D, the other man wrapped his arms around Logan. Almost immediately, Logan embraced him in return. They sat there for a few minutes, silent, until Logan felt the tiniest hitch of D's shoulders.

Instantly, he let go and pushed D gently back until he could make eye contact with him. It was clear D was trying to contain the tears leaking out of his eyes, but it seemed he couldn't quite manage it. D tried to subtly wipe a few tears away, but it was useless, seeing as Logan already knew they were there. Logan didn't know what to do. There was no convincing the other Sides of D's importance – he had been trying for years. But he couldn't stand seeing his boyfriend like this, not again.

“D, ignore them,” Logan said quietly, but firmly. “They do not at all understand your worth.”

“But–”

“No, D,” Logan said. He grabbed D's hands, trying to make him see how important this was, but not startle him.

“You are amazing, not to mention necessary. And besides that, you are my entire world. If the others cannot respect even that, then we do not need them.”

D stared at him for a moment, and Logan realized what he'd just said. He flushed slightly, but didn't say anything else. It was silent for a few moments, before D spoke.

“My name is Janus.”

It seemed Logan was simply running slow today, because it once again took him a moment to comprehend what the other Side had said. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to find his voice.

“You. . . D–” he hurriedly corrected himself. “Janus, why? You never said anything, I thought you must have been uncomfortable, or. . . .”

Janus smiled wanly.

“Or never found it?”

Logan nodded hesitantly. It was reasonable to assume. After all, as often as they could, he and Janus told each other everything. But now it seemed almost cruel to have even thought so. Janus's smile remained in place, but it was slowly getting less wan.

“Of course I found it. I just. . . didn't want to say anything. To be judged. And to hold one last secret,” he added with a little laugh. Logan squeezed his hands slightly.

“I said you are my entire world, Janus,” Logan stated. “That includes all of you.”

Janus's face crumpled, and Logan nearly had a heart attack, but Janus was still smiling – sort of.

“Great, thanks for setting off the tears again,” laughed Janus. Well, laugh-cried. Logan gave a little laugh as well.

“You are welcome,” he said. “But I have no sympathy. And I would not appreciate any tears on me.” Janus began to laugh even harder at that. But jokes aside, nothing could bother Logan right now. Not even the salt he could taste from Janus's tears when Logan leaned in to kiss him.

–

Logan looked at Janus, who was standing beside him looking nervous, and squeezed his hand. Janus squeezed back, smiling nervously at him. They only had a few more seconds to wait, as the other Sides were about to arrive.

Almost as if the thought had called them, Roman and Anxiety- Virgil, now, rose up and took seats at the table. Before they could even glare at each other, Patton rose in between them, smiling at everyone before taking his own seat. After a few moments, Remus rose up and pulled himself onto the counter. Logan stared hard at him, but Remus just grinned at him, so he let it go.

Janus looked at him, and he gave him a barely perceptible nod. _You have this, dear_. And with a deep breath, Janus followed the plan, which was to get this over as quickly as possible.

“My name is Janus.”

Everyone startled, and it looked like Roman was barely containing a laugh. Logan was too busy trying to communicate with his boyfriend through his eyes, even though Janus wasn't looking at him, to glare at the creative Side, but he did take a mental note of it. Patton was still smiling, if a little confused-looking, Anxiety looked sullen (then again, he always did, and he didn't care for Janus). For once, Remus's smile seemed genuine – that was good. After all, he was the closest to Janus, after Logan. Janus barely seemed to be registering their reactions, though, and he plowed on.

“I am aware that you all don't trust me very much. And, I can't blame you for that.” Logan turned his head sharply to look at Janus, who cringed slightly as if he knew Logan didn't approve of the self-deprecation.

“But I am going to assert my worth. If this is enough to trust me even slightly, then it's worth it. However, Thomas needs me, and therefore, you need me.” Janus took another breath. “But Logan and I do not need to put up with any negativity from you. So this is your chance.”

All the occupants in the room continued staring at Janus in silence for a moment, before Virgil shrieked at Remus's sudden launch off of the counter-top and at Janus. Janus stumbled before falling onto the ground under Remus, who hugged him. Janus seemed surprised, but Logan was busy mentally clearing and grievance notes he had under Remus's name.

After a few more moments, Patton stood up and went to join them on the floor. Logan immediately dropped as well, and Patton started laughing as they shifted awkwardly to fit everyone in. At some point, though Logan didn't know when, Virgil and Roman had joined them. And for what seemed like hours, they merely lay there, in new-found peace and companionship.

To be honest, this was much better than either Logan or Janus had imagined this going.

–

“You know,” Janus said conversationally. “Today is our 10th anniversary.”

Logan looked from his book to the man snuggled up to his side.

“And our 1st for being married,” his husband continued. Glancing at the calendar on the wall, Logan saw he was right.

“How did I miss that?” he mumbled, to which Janus hummed, but was obviously trying not to laugh. He had been waiting years to remember something Logan couldn't. And when he finally did, it was possible the most important thing Logan could have forgotten.

“I'm sorry, dear. Forgive me?” Logan asked. Janus rolled his eyes.

“I don't truly care,” the other Side said dryly. “But I accept your apology, and you are forgiven.” Sighing contentedly, he shifted closer to Logan, who automatically wrapped his arms around him, lost in thought.

Half an hour or so later, and they were still in the same position, but Logan was drawn out of his thoughts by the tug of a summons in the back of his mind. Standing up with a small groan, he sunk out, quickly followed by Janus, and they appeared a few seconds later in Thomas's living room right next to each other.

Thomas took a moment to welcome them, then continued with whatever crisis he was having. Logan was only half-listening, still thinking.

He had been friends with Janus for nearly 20 years, in a romantic relationship with him for 10 years, and married to him for 1. The time had flown by, but here he was. He never thought he would even be true friends with the other Sides, let alone get them to accept Janus, but here they were, solving Thomas's problems right along with the others. Patton by the blinds, Remus and Roman by the television, Virgil lounging on the stairs, and Logan and Janus standing by those same stairs. Any major problems they had with each other in the past were past. For now, all was at peace.

Logan turned at the exact same moment as Janus, and they smiled at each other. Without breaking eye contact, they intertwined their hands, and then turned back to the discussion, still smiling. The others shot them strange looks or confused smiles, before glancing away and continuing to talk. Logan supposed it was slightly odd just to stand there with their hands clasped.

Then again, since when did they care what the others thought?


End file.
